Your team wants more 1:1s (here's why they matter)

Hi there,

Every year, at the end-of-year review, I get a similar piece of feedback from my team:

"I would like more regular 1:1s."

This is true even when I see some people in the office regularly. We talk in the hallway, at the coffee machine, in group chats. Still, when people are asked what they want more of, 1:1s show up.

When I think about it, I get it.

As an IC, I always looked forward to my 1:1s with my manager. It was the one time I knew I had their full attention for 30 minutes. My chance to unblock work for my team, get support, and make sure I was still on the right track. Even if I could ping my manager any time, the structured time mattered.

So when your team asks for more 1:1s, it is a fair request. It is not just about time on the calendar. It is about attention, support, and recognition.

For your team members, 1:1s usually serve a few purposes:

The last one is important. People want to know they are doing the right things. That is human, regardless of age or seniority.

For you as a manager, 1:1s are one of your main tools. They help you:

Over time, 1:1s change. Early on, they are more about getting to know the person. Later, they naturally include more updates about projects and delivery.

Which brings me to a common debate.

You sometimes see advice that says: “Never use 1:1s for status updates.”

I disagree.

If a 1:1 turns into a pure status report, yes, that is a problem. But talking about work is not the problem. Work gives context.

When a report walks you through what they have been working on, you can often read between the lines:

They may not say “I am stagnating” or “I am not fulfilled.” But if you listen, you can pick it up from how they talk about their work.

From there, you can suggest changes: a new project, a different type of task, pairing with another team member.

So yes, talk about projects and progress. Just do not let the entire 1:1 become a project status meeting.

Your job is to make sure there is always space for:

The first few minutes of a 1:1 are usually some version of small talk. Weekend plans, kids, hobbies, car troubles, searching for a school.

These conversations do a few things:

If you know someone is dealing with a broken car or a family situation, you see lateness or distraction differently. It does not mean you ignore performance. It means you have the full picture.

The key: be genuine. Ask because you care, not to check a box. Stay within what they are comfortable sharing.

One small habit that helps a lot is taking brief notes and revisiting them.

When I had many direct reports, I would jot down:

Next time we met, I could come back to it:

“Last time you mentioned you were looking for a school. How did that go?”

People notice. It signals that you listened and cared enough to remember.

You do not need a fancy tool. You can:

If they are not comfortable with AI note-taking, do not push. You can always take light notes manually and add more detail after the call. One easy trick: book 25 minutes for the call and keep 5 minutes to write down the key points.

The first few 1:1s with someone new are especially important. They set the tone for the relationship.

Here is a simple structure you can use for the very first one.

Before the call

Spend a few minutes preparing:

Do not walk into your first 1:1 with no plan, no matter how experienced you are.

During the call: first half (mostly about them)

Set the tone:

“This time is for you. I want to get to know you and understand how I can support you.”

Then spend the first half on questions like:

Listen more than you speak. A simple rule: aim for 70 percent listening, 30 percent talking. It is okay to have pauses while they think. Many engineers are introverts. Give them space.

During the call: second half (expectations and ways of working)

Use the second half to agree on how you will work together. For example:

You can share a few expectations of your own, but keep it reasonable and aligned with company norms.

After the call: follow through quickly

Within a week, do at least one concrete thing you promised:

This is how you start building the “trust bank.” Small promises, delivered quickly.

I am a fan of an empty inbox.

I do not use my inbox as a task list. When your inbox is both “messages to read” and “tasks to do”, it creates constant cognitive load.

Once a day, I clear my inbox using a simple triage:

The goal is an inbox that is either empty or close to it. It gives a sense of closure, makes it harder to miss important messages, and avoids mixing old and new work in one noisy list.

Give it a try for a week and see how it feels.

To make 1:1s easier, I created a simple 1:1 script as part of a small kit for new managers.

The kit includes:

In total, it is a set of six templates you can adapt to your team.

You can get it here:
http://kit.primetechteams.com/newsletter

Use the 1:1 script for your next few conversations and see how it changes the quality of your discussions.

I am writing this for you.

Hit reply and tell me: what part of this was most useful? What would you like me to go deeper on in a future issue?

If you found this helpful, forward it to a manager who is about to start with a new team.

Hamid